Politics Just Got Tougher

America's Presidents do fun things. Barack Obama plays basketball. George W. Bush dodges shoes. Bill Clinton.... well we won't go there.

However, no American politician is nearly as badass as Russia's ex-President, Vladimir Putin. Vladimir Putin has shot tigers, flown bomber planes, goes target shooting regularly, appointed himself Prime Minister, is an Olympic-level practicer of Judo, rides across Russian prairies shirtless and without security, threatened to castrate a French journalist, was in the KGB, and he is, himself, registered as a lethal weapon.

In essence, Vladimir Putin could wipe the floor with any US President. He has been called the Russian Chuck Norris multiple times.

Putin, with a high-powered rifle. Hunting TIGERS.

No, he doesn't need security.

He's on a boat, with a crossbow. I have no idea what he's doing. I bet it's badass though.

Let's do a comparison. Below, you see an image of Vladimir Putin holding a massive sniper rifle, wading through a marsh. I don't think that will be easy to top.

He's hunting. For ducks, tigers, or men?

Alright, and here's what America has to offer...

He shoots... Does he score?

Ah yes, our best shot (pun intended) is Barack Obama playing basketball. That's a step up from clearing brush, building models, or running campaigns. But it does not hold a candle to shooting tigers. America might have a chance though....

Nope, we're boned. None of our politicians are as smart, or as incredibly badass as Putin.

So, in the final analysis, Russia has politicians that are far cooler than America's. Putin is smart, badass, and kinda creepy. A deadly combo. Oh well, we can dream that our President will one day be able to do this:

Good luck sleeping knowing that this man is in charge of the world's second largest nuclear arsenal.

Title Ideas, alternate ending proposition

I just googled horror movies and tried to bend them around our topic, here's what I've got...

1- 42 Minutes Later
2- Seneca Stapler Massacre
3- A Nightmare in B Hall

Some movies I couldn't adapt were:
*The Blair Witch Project
*The Hills Have Eyes

Bonus Alternate Ending

Survivors exit room, are seen to exit the building. All is still for about 30 seconds until MANARELLA and WILLIAMS stir.

MANARELLA

We got 'em.

WILLIAMS

Yeah we did.

MANARELLA

We better beat it, the cops will be here any second.

WILLIAMS

That's right. Let's get...

Further stirring from TONY's body. In stiff mechanical motions he sits up, the murder weapon protruding from his chest.

MANARELLA

What the f...

WILLIAMS

I know I stabbed him in the heart. I couldn't have missed.

TONY grabs the ruler and snaps it apart where it meets his skin. He looks in the direction of the would-be killers, his pupils glowing an electronic red.

TONY (Austrian Accent)

Are you Mr. WILLIAMS?

WILLIAMS

Maybe. What happens if I am?

MANARELLA

Let's split. This is seriously messed up!

WILLIAMS (to TONY)

What are you?

TONY

I am a cybernetic organism. Living flesh over metal endoskeleton. I am here to terminate you.

TONY reaches into his jacket pocket, draws an impossibly long assault rifle. He stands stiffly, begins moving toward MANARELLA, who backs away; and WILLIAMS, rooted in terror.

WILLIAMS

Wha- why? Why are you going to kill-

TONY

Terminate.

WILLIAMS (cont'd)

-terminate me?

TONY

In the year 2012 you will kill an individual named SARAH. She is integral to the human resistance movement against their seahorse overlords. I cannot allow you to leave this room.

MANARELLA (laughing)

Seahorses?

TONYP

It's a long, depressing story.

WILLIAMS

What if I-

TONY unloads into WILLIAMS. WILLIAMS is blown backwards over a table and into a crumbled heap across the room.

MANARELLA

Jesus!

Police burst through door. They see the gun in TONY's hand, and immediately shoot him multiple times. The bullets bounce off of the exposed metal in his chest.

TONY

I must go now. My mission is complete.

TONY leaves room through the cops, MANARELLA is arrested, screen fades to black.

END

***I'm bored, so I'll probably come up with more bogus endings later.

Is Nostalgia bad?

I've been told that being nostalgic stops progress. But in the same breath I could've been told that those who don't know history are bound to repeat it. Which, if either, is true??

I personally love history (you all may have figured that out when I read the story of the Forrest Gump pencil in class today), so I tend to be on the pro-nostalgia side of the debate. Last year I got a 24/25 on an essay about how I'd prefer to live in the 1950's than today, for example. But I can't find any reason why believing the past was better would make the future worse.

The Spongebob Conspiracy

You're about to think I'm a liar, but Spongebob Squarepants is a Communist.

?

As you can see above, Senator Joseph McCarthy agrees with me. How about you?

This isn't just me ranting about a cartoon that I never was a regular watcher of. This is fact. Let me lay this down in a very simple, 1-2-3 format.

1) Communism is all about working for the betterment of your peers. What does Spongebob yell every morning? "I'm ready!" and he means "I'm ready for work/a revolution of the proletariat!" He works for days on end and accepts only pennies for it.

2) Communism is about equality, even for the laziest bottomfeeders. Example: Patrick Star. Spongebob tolerates his lazy comrade for no other reason except that they are both of the lower class and need to overthrow the yoke of the Capitalists. Or is that just me?

3) Spongebob Squarepants shows utter disdain and/or hatred for the private business interest of Mr. Krabs. I recall one episode where he destroyed Mr. Krabs' restaurant on his own for no other reason than that Mr. Krabs was trying to make money.

So I ask you: after reading this, is it possible that we've all been tainted by Communist propaganda? Tell me that after Spongebob Squarepants attempting to teach us lessons about "Sharing" and "Equality" and "Tolerance" that you don't think there's Communist undertones.

Hilarious Video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1czvD3aVk8Y

I hope you've all see Tropic Thunder, it's probably one of the funniest movies crafted by mankind. Anyways, this is an MTV movie awards video short made, and I found it hilarious. It really has no relevance to Creative Writing, but I had to share it. Watch it with sound!!

PS: If you haven't seen Tropic Thunder, see it.

The Beginning

Dewdrops rest on undisturbed grass
The bells ringing across the state
Across the field advances
A line of red-clad men

The farmers grab their hunting tools
The lawyers buy them in the shops
The soldiers stand in perfect order
Marching onward to certain victory

The shot rings out
The red line stops
The farmers move
A redcoat falls

The orders yelled
Are mixed in the growing din
The battle evolving before them
Expanding, growing, becoming something
Which neither side believed would happen

A war began
A nation was born
A people unite
Against a common foe

The mighty brought down
The few rise up
The peasants best the professional soldier
A peoples' fury defeats
All that stand before it

That ragtag band of rebels
Bore a nation on that day
A nation that exist still
But is lost today

America the Beautiful, America the Fallen

Lady Liberty stands for what-
In days where politics call for intolerance
In days where decisions can't be made
In days where the American Dream is allowed to fade.

The Stars and Stripes stand for naught-
When the arguments are louder than the meanings
When the people are blinded by the words
When Presidents are accosted daily
For choosing to be heard.

Uncle Sam points to You-
He needs you to fight the wars
He needs you to work the farms
He needs you to sell yourself
For nothing, but for harm

The People once fought for-
By the brave few
By the farmers, lawyers, idealists
By men with no hope for victory
Betrayed by the ones who lead


They are now fought for by-
Politicians who line their own pockets
The brave few, hamstrung by those on high
The flag that stands for nothing
Tattered on the broken staff.

Rules for Surviving the Walk from Class to Class

The hallways are a dangerous place for people with a short temper. Luckily, I don't have a short temper. But they are annoying as anything.

Below I list the rules on making the walk from class A to class B in a speedy manner.


Rule #1: NEVER fall into the foot traffic behind a group of girls (yes, girls. Boys will be addressed later) consisting of any number greater than 2. Once the third girl falls into step with the duo in front of you, you can expect to get delayed. They like to talk, and walk slowly to make more time for talking. And for whatever reason, they like to expand and block the entire hallway.

Rule#2: NEVER fall into the foot traffic behind a boyfriend/girlfriend duo. Mainly because there's always a point at which you pass a door frame, locker bay, or corner that they will stop instantly at, and begin sucking face.

Rule#3: NEVER fall into the foot traffic behind a group of boys consisting of more than 2 individuals. They like to stupid things like run around and throw things. And you can get hit. Not to mention, they also can move slow for the same reasons girls do.

Rule#4: Leave a safe following distance! Stay behind people far enough that if they suddenly stop you have time to steer around them and flip them off (kidding- read Rule #5 corollary)

Rule#5: Act like it's a race!! Push through/around people if you're running late. Maybe they'll learn to move faster? Probably not.

           Rule #5 Corollary: For your own sake make sure they're not a brute or someone in a bad mood.

Rule#6: Raise your voice! Make it heard that you're more important/late than everyone else walking slow in front of you.

Rule #7: "Hey, it's [best friend's name]!" Don't be a hypocrite. Don't stop suddenly to exchange pleasantries with [best friend].

Rule#8: Do your civic duty: break up annoying "people clots". These generally consist of freshmen, so it's not hard if you're an upper-classman.

Rule#9: If you are trapped in a situation in which you didn't abide by rules #1-3, but don't want to abide by #6 because you're too "nice", use humor. Make subtle quips about the pace of the people in front of you. Example- #2 situation: "Geez, you guys sure are like frozen molasses- sweet but slower than anything I've ever seen. MOVE!"

Rule#10: Last Resort. Overexpose everyone around you to the stupid garbage they pull. Walk slower, talk louder, create even bigger log jams. Perhaps they WILL learn to move a little faster. If that fails, lose faith in humanity and continue being that one annoying guy who wants to get where he's going faster.

Hope this helps! Good luck! If you treat the hallway like a Vietnamese jungle and look at everything as being hostile, you'll make it through real quick-like.

Technology- Can't live with it, Can't live without it... Wait, we can.

Computers suck.

If I had a quarter for every time I nearly lost my sanity dealing with a computer, I'd have about two dollars. They suck. It's gotten to the point where I've hit the PC so much that I have to hit it for it to work. I think it has Stockholm's Syndrome. It's fallen in love with getting beaten by its captor.