Rules for Surviving the Walk from Class to Class

The hallways are a dangerous place for people with a short temper. Luckily, I don't have a short temper. But they are annoying as anything.

Below I list the rules on making the walk from class A to class B in a speedy manner.


Rule #1: NEVER fall into the foot traffic behind a group of girls (yes, girls. Boys will be addressed later) consisting of any number greater than 2. Once the third girl falls into step with the duo in front of you, you can expect to get delayed. They like to talk, and walk slowly to make more time for talking. And for whatever reason, they like to expand and block the entire hallway.

Rule#2: NEVER fall into the foot traffic behind a boyfriend/girlfriend duo. Mainly because there's always a point at which you pass a door frame, locker bay, or corner that they will stop instantly at, and begin sucking face.

Rule#3: NEVER fall into the foot traffic behind a group of boys consisting of more than 2 individuals. They like to stupid things like run around and throw things. And you can get hit. Not to mention, they also can move slow for the same reasons girls do.

Rule#4: Leave a safe following distance! Stay behind people far enough that if they suddenly stop you have time to steer around them and flip them off (kidding- read Rule #5 corollary)

Rule#5: Act like it's a race!! Push through/around people if you're running late. Maybe they'll learn to move faster? Probably not.

           Rule #5 Corollary: For your own sake make sure they're not a brute or someone in a bad mood.

Rule#6: Raise your voice! Make it heard that you're more important/late than everyone else walking slow in front of you.

Rule #7: "Hey, it's [best friend's name]!" Don't be a hypocrite. Don't stop suddenly to exchange pleasantries with [best friend].

Rule#8: Do your civic duty: break up annoying "people clots". These generally consist of freshmen, so it's not hard if you're an upper-classman.

Rule#9: If you are trapped in a situation in which you didn't abide by rules #1-3, but don't want to abide by #6 because you're too "nice", use humor. Make subtle quips about the pace of the people in front of you. Example- #2 situation: "Geez, you guys sure are like frozen molasses- sweet but slower than anything I've ever seen. MOVE!"

Rule#10: Last Resort. Overexpose everyone around you to the stupid garbage they pull. Walk slower, talk louder, create even bigger log jams. Perhaps they WILL learn to move a little faster. If that fails, lose faith in humanity and continue being that one annoying guy who wants to get where he's going faster.

Hope this helps! Good luck! If you treat the hallway like a Vietnamese jungle and look at everything as being hostile, you'll make it through real quick-like.